Are You Selfish Enough?

 Let’s re-frame the word “selfish”

When I was about 20 years old, I read a book titled, “When I Say “No”, I Feel Guilty”. That book was an eye-opener for me.  As a shy college student, I wanted to be liked, I wanted to think of myself as a nice person, and I was afraid to deal with conflict.  I thought saying “Yes” was the nice thing to do.  Eventually, I got the hang of saying “No”, but I must admit the temptation to feel guilty can still rear it’s ugly head. Loving myself enough to be “selfish” is an ongoing process.

DON'T BE SELFISH.framedA lot of us were taught to believe that it’s “selfish” to ask for what you want, or say “No” to what you don’t want. But stop and think about it: Who was the first person to accuse you of being “selfish”?  It was probably a parent or maybe a sibling. As very young children, we learn that we’re supposed to play nice, share our toys, and let Johnny go first.  These are important lessons for a 3 year old. But as an adult, if you ignore your own needs in order to play Mr. Nice Guy, you lose.  You lose your self-respect, your power, and your autonomy.  It might make everyone around you happy, but are you happy?

Here are five clues that you may not be selfish enough:

1) You’re more concerned with what’s fair to others than what’s fair to you.

2) You attract people who are very focused on themselves.

3) You’re afraid to ask for what you want.

4) You’re not sure what you want.

5) When you say “No”, you feel guilty.

Let’s turn it around.

  • Give yourself permission to be selfish.  Give yourself permission to be self-loving.
  • Listen to your gut feelings. Is your gut saying “Yes” or “No”?  If someone asks you to do something, check in with how you feel. Does the thought of doing it make you feel heavy or light?
  • Know that if you say “No”, the other person is free to react however they choose, but you don’t need to feel guilty about being true to yourself.
  • Take time in solitude to listen deeply to the prayer of your heart. What is your heart’s desire?  Then, have the courage to ask for what you want.
  • Take some steps, however big or small, to create a life that makes your soul sing.

As Jeshua says, in The Way of Mastery, “Self love is the love of the Creator. You cannot love the Creator while rejecting the Creator’s creation.”  Self love.WOM.lily

So, it turns out that loving yourself is actually the spiritual thing to do!  Who knew?

Leave a comment and let me know an act of self-loving-kindness that you did today.

 


Feeding the Soul

Now that I live in a place where the landscape and natural beauty make my soul sing, I see that inspiration is an essential part of my daily life.  It is food for my soul.  Just like I need to eat yummy, nutritious meals every day, I also need my daily dose of inspiration. It nourishes me at the deepest level and expands my sense of what I am.  It’s like taking in a deep breath of fresh air, and feeling your lungs and chest expand.  It’s the “Ahhh” and the “Mmm” and the “Aha!”

As I hike the trails near my house, I sense that every rock has a message for my soul, if only I have ears to hear. I’m reminded of a lyric in the musical, Jesus Christ Superstar, “The rocks and stones themselves will start to sing…”

So, I listen.  Some I pick up for closer communion.  Some go in my pack and ride home with me. Most remain firmly in place and continue their timeless, solid support of the chain of life around them.

The beauty, mystery, and ancient stories of the rocks, boulders, and cliffs speak to me in a language I yearn to understand.  Each rock holds magic…a hidden potential power.  “What are you saying?”

One little rock, dark and unobtrusive, called to me.  As I picked it up, I noticed a small band of pink on the water-smoothed stone.  Suddenly, a burst of love surged through my heart.  Somehow, this small stone seemed to carry the very essence of this mountain that I love so dearly.  That little one walked home with me, caressed lovingly in my hand.

the el salto stone

I admit it…I’m a rock lover!

What inspires you and feeds your soul?


Leo Full Moon: May I Have This Dance?

 

Leo Full Moon

Part I:  Leo Wonders

Can you see me?

Can I see myself?

Can I free myself?

Who is doing the looking?

A cool and distant observer?

Or an unconditional, accepting, spaciousness?

Shining radiance

Appreciating her own Divine light

Not giving a damn

That’s freedom!

Part II:  Aquarius Watches

Aquarius stands apart

Breathing to her own drumbeat

Hesitant to join the dance

Leo’s infectious joy

Captivates and seduces

Come play!

There are no steps

There are no rules

Express your funky self!